My mom died ten nights ago. She was 94 and had struggled with Alzheimer’s for the past several years. So her passing was not a surprise. Still, her death came with jolting finality. As we sat at her bedside helplessly watching her draw her last breaths, I wondered desperately and a bit selfishly, “Is this what’s left?”. “Is this all of Mom we can take with us?”
But in the hours after Mom left us, warm memories of her returned from decades past. Most of these had to do with our common interest in birds. You see, Mom and I did not merely share an engaging hobby. We shared a love of the outdoors and many passionate and quirky friends we had met during our birding adventures over a half century. We shared the excitement of finding a rare bird and the exquisite joy of watching a beautiful one. We shared a culture.
Mom spotted my nascent interest in birds very early on. When I was six years old and we were living in Cleveland Heights, the local Audubon Society sponsored an outing to Shaker Lakes in May. Mom signed us up for a 7am trip. Initially I hung back with her watching diffidently as enthusiastic adults received help in ID’ing the colorful and active migrants that were foraging in the trees that lined the lakeshore. At one point, my attention was captured by a bird that others in the group had not yet spotted. Mom saw me struggling to identify this small, active bird. She said, “Now, Watty, you go ask the nice man what bird that is you are seeing!” I cannot recall what species I had spotted or whether I got the leader’s attention in time to identify it, but I learned from Mom that I needn’t be afraid to ask for help from an experienced birder. And I learned that some people could teach me a great deal about birds.
Two years later my family was vacationing on massive Lake Temagami in central Ontario. As my brother Henry and I lay beneath our thick woolen blankets after nightfall, we heard tremolos and wails echo across the great expanse of water that — during storms — lapped at the base of our primitive cabin. “Do you hear the cries of the loons, Watty?”, Mom asked. “Aren’t they wonderful?”. I had difficulty connecting the eerie, maniacal calls I was hearing with the large, mysterious black and white diving birds I saw from afar the next morning, but I never forgot them. In fact, loons became the treasured avian spectacle that I looked forward to each time we ventured north to Temagami.
When I was ten, my family moved to Houston. Hoping to sustain my interest in birds in this new part of the world, Mom offered to drive me to the monthly meeting of the Houston Audubon Society. The highlight of the event was a few bird slides that an Audubon member would show after the club’s business was conducted. Mom asked me several times after our first few meetings whether I thought our attendance was worthwhile. I was really a field person and had little interest in what seemed pointless blather about the club’s finances and installation of new officers. Even the slide show seemed too brief and removed from nature to provide much entertainment. Yet I always insisted on going. I soon realized, sheepishly, that what I cherished about this event was not the meeting itself, but those few hours spent with Mom during the meeting and driving to and from it. Like the birding trips we took together, those hours were my special time alone with her — time when she was not distracted by Dad or my three siblings. I became dimly aware then that my love of birds was intertwined with my love for my fiercely devoted Mom.
One of Mom’s and my favorite field trips in Houston was the Freeport Christmas Count, which took place south of Houston. In most years, we birded with Margaret Anderson’s party of eight or so. Mom was well known in the group for bringing along and sharing a delicious sweet milky tea. Her concoction was especially refreshing after we had spent a long chilly morning counting yellow-rumped warblers, ruby-crowned kinglets, and Carolina wrens.
Despite our annual participation in the Freeport Count, my interest in birds waned after a few years in Houston. Looking for a means to rekindle my passion, Mom found me a mentor. Fred Collins had done graduate work in ornithology at Texas A&M. He is a great birder who taught me an immense amount about bird identification. But he is also a bird bander. One April when I was fifteen, Fred took me along when he set up mist nets to capture and band trans-Gulf migrants on the Galveston coast. The experience was transformative. Once I had held a male painted bunting in my hand, I was utterly hooked. I could no longer see myself pursuing a career that did not involve extensive observation of wild birds.
I have many more recollections of birding trips taken with Mom — trips that Mom arranged so that I could learn things about birds from Fred and other experts or trips where she drove me all over the Upper Texas Coast to join other birders. I am not sure how she found the energy to supervise my ornithological education and also be a responsive, loving mother to her other three children. But I know one thing with absolute certainty: Mom’s tireless efforts to nurture my interest in birds made me an ornithologist.
Mom’s passing has left me in shock. As the school semester draws to a close, I sleepwalk from office to classroom and back. I try to find solace in everyday activities. But I feel a vast emptiness. The academic routine and the passage of time are inadequate to fill the void left by Mom’s passing. My only hope now is to find peace and acceptance in her most precious gift.



